Man, now I know why I didn't miss my brother as much as I should....

...he brings high school home so I have no where to hide. I hate it. He comes home and suddenly our house is filled with pretty, popular people that I don't feel comfortable around, and then I can't act like I'm home, I can't run around with my hair wild in my PJ pants, or at least I feel like a freak when I do, which is every time they come over. Man it sucks.

What sucks even more is that I was over at Josh's house with Hilde and Drew and all was hunky-dorey, and then my parents come try and get me, and I tried to resist, I did, but they're all, "No, we came to get you, you're coming home with us..."

So, we turn into the development and there are trucks and sports cars parked all around our house, and I think, "Oh crap. I remember this feeling." The feeling that you have no place to hide. That the only place you're safe is your room! But, no, I will not let them take over my house too, so I have to walk around and go downstairs and look like utter crap, because this is where I get to relax and forget about our screwed up world with its misgivings and messed up ideas abvout how a person should look/act.

Incidentally, I didn't want to come home. If my parents had let me go to the dance like I was supposed to, I wouldn't be home! I'd be dancing a storm with Mandy and Hilde! But NO! They refuse, because they don't seem to understand the concept of going with a "large group of girls". They think that it's a date dance, so there won't be anything for us to do!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I'M SORRY IF I SOUND LIKE A SPOILED BRAT, BUT MY PARENTS CAN JUST.................

NEVERMIND!!!!!!!

UGH! I wish they would stop treating my life like it was nothing, like anything that makes me sad is worth laughing over! I don't CARE if I haven't experienced enough of life and the world to know that there are infinitely worse things! I realize that, but I haven't experienced them yet so I am going to stress out, and cry over the problems that I have!

.....................................................................................

Man, I feel like biting someone and then start screaming. And I feel like running back up to Branden's. Because I feel like dirt, and I want to be around people that care and that will leave me alone and not laugh at my "petty" problems. And my hands smell like smoke from burning an effigy of Chesterfield.

So, I am pretty good on my raving factor,m and now I am going to go get myself more steemed up by raving on in my journal.....

gosh......