AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BACK! by popular demand and unnerving threatenings of mouth-to-mouth with Ren, is TIA!!!!! She hasn't been all over the world, let alone our country, she speaks to thousands of people each day (whether they actually listen, we're not sure), she inspires everyone she meets to buy baked potato chips and shout out in random, reckless abandon, and she's here! In the beautifully brown, wind-blown Tri-Cities area aka her den.
So, how're ya, peeps? I'll tell ya how I am. I'm fine and dandy. You know why? Because my dinner is secured for the next week! Yessiree, you know it! I've done and gone catched me a cat!
You know, it really isn't all that hard to get you one o'them suckers. They're reeeeeaaaaaal desperate-like, especially when they've been living out among the bush fer 'bout....hmmmm......3 weeks. Yep, sounds right. SO, you wait 'em out and starve 'em fer a bit, waiting till they're all a-keenin' and a-pinin' fer some warmth and food. Then, you stand by, all butter and cream, garage control in yer hot lil hand, while the sucker ambles on in. Then, lightnin' quick, you slam down on that thar button and gloat triumphantly as the critter stares as the door slowly seals its doom. Well, then, ya ain't got nuthin' more to worry yer pretty lil head 'bout...Oh! I fergot ta mention....before you stand by all patient-like, ready to reel 'em in, you take yer car out fo' a real nice drive and ya heat that thar engine up good, so when they're a-settin' in yer garage, trying to hide from ya ( they can smeel a predater nigh as good as they can smeel fear!), they creep on up in that nice and warm engine! An' then ya go on inside and read yer "Red Neck's Guide ta Runnin' Down yer Dinner" fer some time, mabeh 6 er so hours and then ya run on outside to yer '72 Ford pickup and pop the hood ( ya might want to start the poppin' a half hour early, seein' as how that hood won't pop up in no clean way that I know) and as that fancy-pants cook on ther tv screen yells, "BAM!" Ya got yerself some good, tender critter meat that'll set ya up for near ten days, it will!
Yessiree, I can't wait till tomorrah! I'm a-gonna make me a nice Cat's Ribs on Rye sandwich fer dinner. *salivating....*
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