Think of me...think of me fondly....when...we say goodbye....

Wow. I hope everybody's day wasn't as topsy-turvy as mine. I was going up and down all over the place, ecstatic one second and crying the next. Now I just feel numb. And slightly weepy. Now, DON'T PANIC. I am not depressed, at least not anymore. I'm just really sensitive right now, and any time I start singing Phantom of the Opera in my head, I start getting teary. It's a weird mood. And, no, I'm not PMSing.

Even waking up was weird. I woke up singing "Think of Me" in my head, and after going on for a few more lines, I realized how strange it was and marvelled at my odd brain. Then I noticed how much more illuminated my room was. I jumped up and YAY! SNOW! Cool!

So, remembering fond memories of last year's snowfall, I call up Mandy and try to get her to come over, though I really shouldn't bother because she is horrendous at getting to coming over to your house. The only real way that you can get her is by showing up at her house, doing her work for her (it only takes 10 minutes, but in Mandy World it takes 10 HOURS! No, I am NOT joking. It took her that long today.), and kidnapping her.

Feeling exasperated, especially as I had turned down Kirsten and Felicia and Krissy ( sorry I didn't call back! Kirsten got to me first.) to play, I went to Phantom of the Opera yet again con mi hermana y mi madre. I was SO JAZZED. I love that movie. But it's kind of a love/hate relationship; actually, more like a love/misery relationship. So, we go to the movies, eating our macaroni on the way (Mom is actually eating sweet peppers stuffed with my Grandma's cheeseball) and lo-and-behold! Who do we run into but Alex and Ren and the gang. Wow, nice timing. I didn't really get to talk to y'all. Sorry about that.

Finally we get in the theater, and I'm way excited because I am strangely obssessed with this movie right now. It was really cool, yet again, and I caught more things this time than the last. And yesterday I cried watching the end, when he's playing his little monkey music box, but today, I let it out, and it wouldn't stop! It wasn't the, "Oh, how tragic...." crying, it was the, "My husband left me because I've been diagnosed with Severe Ugliness Syndrome (a disease they made up just for me), I'm bankrupt with no family, and to top it all off, I'm PMSing..." crying. In other words, racking sobs that I had to fight to keep in while the movie ended. It was horrible! And I couldn't even hold out, because we stayed till the credits were done, and I just buried my head in my mom's shoulder and sobbed.

I don't know why. It was heinous and embarassing, and I felt miserable. So then we run off and eventually get home, and by then the misery has set in. I officially have no hope, no happiness, and don't know what I'm living for. It, in a word, SUCKED. And I just knew that I couldn't make it better, and had to live it out, when all I really wanted to do was curl up under the blankets and cry myself to sleep. This was at 5 PM, folks.

And the whole time I was depressed because I couldn't listen to or watch The Phantom of the Opera, or do anything. That was all I wanted to do. I was posessed. Nothing appealed to me if it didn't somehow involve that story. It was agony to think about it, and it sent me into tears every time I did. So I basically cried all afternoon.

I was miserable all the way through dinner, and so on, till about 8, when I spent 10 minutes fixing the lighting around my piano to match my mood. After reaching the proper gloominess, I played Moonlight Sonata several times as that fit the atmosphere of the room and my attitude.

Then, a glimmer of hope shone through as I remembered a music book that we had boughten a few years back. It hadn't interested me much then, but now I was desperate.

It was the Andrew Loyd Webber's Anthology for piano.

Glory, how my mood went up. Just playing through those songs made me soooo happy. And after playing for a bit, I got the best idea. I decided that I could sing one of the songs for Scarlet and Gold auditions! Heck, that made me downright giggle with glee. I was so thrilled. That is, if I found a song that I could sing and still be impressive. "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again". Pretty song. A bit high, but I think I can pull it off.

Anywho, the short of it (though if you've gotten this far, it hasn't been short) is that I had one of my weird obssessive moments. They occur occasionally, and generally go away within the period of a week or 2. So, I'm not over it, just satisfied for now. Have no fears though, I'm fine. I may spontaneously break out in tears, but that's just the voices singing in my head. They make me.

"Hm? What? Oh...yes, I do crave attention."

Hello, mein freunden. This was a fabulous day, full of video cameras, chocolate, and possessed playground equipment. What else was necesary? Well, KIM might of made it better....but we won't go into that.

So, I've decided that I am a sad child that must live off of other peoples opinions and ability to laugh at me. Why else would I smear chocolate all over my mouth and face and start twitching to be recorded on tape? You'd think I was craving attention, or something. *eyes rolling* I mean, seriously. Who would think I crave attention. The idea is ridiculous! Gosh!

: P

Anywho. Has taken me aproximately 5 hours to finish this post, and now I am talking to Manda. I miss her, I do. Poor soul, she has to move again. And not very much closer.

Sad.

Ok, I'm going to focus on her now.

Deflowering, my baby....
Aiyee my baby me,
I must be crazy....

See, I'm swazy...

feliz navidad.....

Hello, mein freunden! Have fabulously awesome Christmas's, if you can!

Ren, why didn't you tell me to stop being selfish and go read your blog! Of course I shall pray for them, wholeheartedly. I'm sorry that you have to go through this so close to Christmas, but, honey, none of it was your fault. you did the right thing, no matter what you may think. It's good to feel compassion for them and to feel the need to help, that's all part of the forgiveness process, no doubt.

Have no fears or worries. Christmas is near. Christ is there for all of us, which he demonstrated when he died for us, so your parents will be watched over and taken care of. Don't worry, love. Be grateful for the season and go on praying. All will be well.

Where're the bath salts?!?!?!?!

So....I'm an emotional wreck. I love you all, and I've decided that I am now only giving small, light things for Christmas and I will do cool things for birthdays. Because then I can think out incredibly awesome things for everyone. But now.....the stress is getting to me, and I don't know who to get presents for, and I've eaten NOTHING healthy for the past 4 days so my body is FREAKING out. So I am going to take a bath right now, and you know things are bad when I have to take a bath, because I ABHOR baths....

Ok, now that I have gotten that out, I would just like to ask you all to NOT worry about me. Believe me, I'm fine. Asking me if I'm fine will not help, though I do appreciate your love and concern. You are helping me now, even if you don't read this, by just allowing me to rampage a small while. So thank you for...well....actually thank the person who created the internet and the keyboard, and, what the hey, while we're at it, the monitor, for allowing me to vent my problems for all to not hear.

So, goodnight my dear friends! You shall not hear from me for a time, though I may actually see you tomorrow to give you presents...but besides that, I shall be withdrawing to focus on my family the rest of the week. Though I may talk to you online...Ah, screw it, I'll be in touch....

Man, now I know why I didn't miss my brother as much as I should....

...he brings high school home so I have no where to hide. I hate it. He comes home and suddenly our house is filled with pretty, popular people that I don't feel comfortable around, and then I can't act like I'm home, I can't run around with my hair wild in my PJ pants, or at least I feel like a freak when I do, which is every time they come over. Man it sucks.

What sucks even more is that I was over at Josh's house with Hilde and Drew and all was hunky-dorey, and then my parents come try and get me, and I tried to resist, I did, but they're all, "No, we came to get you, you're coming home with us..."

So, we turn into the development and there are trucks and sports cars parked all around our house, and I think, "Oh crap. I remember this feeling." The feeling that you have no place to hide. That the only place you're safe is your room! But, no, I will not let them take over my house too, so I have to walk around and go downstairs and look like utter crap, because this is where I get to relax and forget about our screwed up world with its misgivings and messed up ideas abvout how a person should look/act.

Incidentally, I didn't want to come home. If my parents had let me go to the dance like I was supposed to, I wouldn't be home! I'd be dancing a storm with Mandy and Hilde! But NO! They refuse, because they don't seem to understand the concept of going with a "large group of girls". They think that it's a date dance, so there won't be anything for us to do!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I'M SORRY IF I SOUND LIKE A SPOILED BRAT, BUT MY PARENTS CAN JUST.................

NEVERMIND!!!!!!!

UGH! I wish they would stop treating my life like it was nothing, like anything that makes me sad is worth laughing over! I don't CARE if I haven't experienced enough of life and the world to know that there are infinitely worse things! I realize that, but I haven't experienced them yet so I am going to stress out, and cry over the problems that I have!

.....................................................................................

Man, I feel like biting someone and then start screaming. And I feel like running back up to Branden's. Because I feel like dirt, and I want to be around people that care and that will leave me alone and not laugh at my "petty" problems. And my hands smell like smoke from burning an effigy of Chesterfield.

So, I am pretty good on my raving factor,m and now I am going to go get myself more steemed up by raving on in my journal.....

gosh......

########-----------------##########-------------##########

nnnnrrgggggghhhhh.........

Homrones suck. So do hormones for that matter. I swear I'm dyslexic. Or doped up on pain killers (no Josh, I did NOT take any more after we talked).

What kind of sick person made up the name for that disease anyway.
Dyslexic....yexilsd........slixeyd.....yledisc.....................sadist.

So, fellow peeps, I feel somehow cut off from the world aka mein freunden. I've been focusing on myslef too much. So the next time you see me, smack me upside the head and tell me to stop being so selfish.....

; )

I gotta go, the parentlas will be upset! I love you all!

-Midori

Hehe....I like cats too! Let's swap recipes......*evil look*

AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BACK! by popular demand and unnerving threatenings of mouth-to-mouth with Ren, is TIA!!!!! She hasn't been all over the world, let alone our country, she speaks to thousands of people each day (whether they actually listen, we're not sure), she inspires everyone she meets to buy baked potato chips and shout out in random, reckless abandon, and she's here! In the beautifully brown, wind-blown Tri-Cities area aka her den.

So, how're ya, peeps? I'll tell ya how I am. I'm fine and dandy. You know why? Because my dinner is secured for the next week! Yessiree, you know it! I've done and gone catched me a cat!

You know, it really isn't all that hard to get you one o'them suckers. They're reeeeeaaaaaal desperate-like, especially when they've been living out among the bush fer 'bout....hmmmm......3 weeks. Yep, sounds right. SO, you wait 'em out and starve 'em fer a bit, waiting till they're all a-keenin' and a-pinin' fer some warmth and food. Then, you stand by, all butter and cream, garage control in yer hot lil hand, while the sucker ambles on in. Then, lightnin' quick, you slam down on that thar button and gloat triumphantly as the critter stares as the door slowly seals its doom. Well, then, ya ain't got nuthin' more to worry yer pretty lil head 'bout...Oh! I fergot ta mention....before you stand by all patient-like, ready to reel 'em in, you take yer car out fo' a real nice drive and ya heat that thar engine up good, so when they're a-settin' in yer garage, trying to hide from ya ( they can smeel a predater nigh as good as they can smeel fear!), they creep on up in that nice and warm engine! An' then ya go on inside and read yer "Red Neck's Guide ta Runnin' Down yer Dinner" fer some time, mabeh 6 er so hours and then ya run on outside to yer '72 Ford pickup and pop the hood ( ya might want to start the poppin' a half hour early, seein' as how that hood won't pop up in no clean way that I know) and as that fancy-pants cook on ther tv screen yells, "BAM!" Ya got yerself some good, tender critter meat that'll set ya up for near ten days, it will!

Yessiree, I can't wait till tomorrah! I'm a-gonna make me a nice Cat's Ribs on Rye sandwich fer dinner. *salivating....*